Paul Harvey

Russell McDermott

Bert Weston

George Ade

Charles J. McGuirk

Once upon a time the stork came staggering up to a frame dwelling with a hefty boy. The gaping spectators predicted he was destined for public service. Several years later he began to speak pieces, and his parents were assured he ...

Once upon a time the stork came staggering up to a frame dwelling with a hefty boy. The gaping spectators predicted he was destined for public service. Several years later he began to speak pieces, and his parents were assured he was cut out for a statesman. In college he got his diploma on a fluke, but his get-away speech brought the biggest hand of all. Back home he opened a lazy law office, and sat back to await his election. All who saw him moving along the hitch rack applying the ointment to the rustics were certain he would not be held back from the political pie long. But he ignored the whispering political Ikes, who met in the dim back rooms and plugged the key holes. When the convention met all the young candidate's friends among the masses were back home working their gardens. The machine rolled right over the popular idol, leaving him all sprawled out. When he came out again for the same job the voters saw it was no use trying to block him, so he landed. When he was past 35 seasons he discovered he was full of the new Progressive doctrines. He was strong for any reform move that 55 per cent, or more of the people favored. One morning our hero roached his hair a new way, for the bulletins told him he had been elected to Congress. Moral: There is always room and board at the top.

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The Fable of the Toilsome Ascent and the Shining Table Lamp

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