Bill Pruner

Love Farm

Sloppy porn misses the boat

Reissued on Vol. 86 of Something Weird&apos;s Dragon Art Theatre series, LOVE FARM is a tedious series of sex scenes set on a horse ranch. Opportunities for making a quality film were cleverly avoided in favor of time-killer junk.

A helpful narrator/stud named Mr. Maxwell keeps interrupting scenes to address the viewer directly, bragging about how he makes &quot;arrangements&quot; with female clients in lieu of $ payments in return for teaching them horseback riding at his ranch. That&apos;s as close as this stinker comes to a plot line.

The nondescript cast converses in dumb small talk and attempted double entendres in between XXX sex. Given its age as early in the hardcore cycle there is an emphasis on tight split beaver closeups, all the rage back then. Attempt at humor has Maxwell fixing up Joy with a guy who can&apos;t get a hard-on - how amusing! Ending promises a followup -no thanks.

Jazzy music is played over &amp; over, including &quot;Willow Weep for Me&quot; played twice. Most of the action takes place in a barn with sex by hay stacks. Very sloppy editing and construction has certain stagings repeated or starting over, signs of porno-as-filler which really became the standard a decade later with the advent of shooting on video.

What struck me about this baby is the allocation of perhaps 15 seconds of running time (out of an hour total) to a woman actually riding a horse. It seems the lion&apos;s share of pornographers has never figured out (in 40 years now) that the much-maligned viewer who ultimately is paying the bills for this junk is entertained by a diversion, an interesting story, or something, beyond the basic &quot;in &amp; out&quot; footage. Here was an opportunity to integrate actual horse-whisperer footage, whether for hijinks/slapstick, whatever. But instead we get generic, and ultimately very boring porn, barely salvaged from the scrapheap.

Reissued on Vol. 86 of Something Weird's Dragon Art Theatre series, LOVE FARM is a tedious series of sex scenes set on a horse ranch. Opportunities for making a quality film were cleverly avoided in favor of time-killer junk.

A helpful narrator/stud named Mr. Maxwell keeps interrupting scenes to address the viewer directly, bragging about how he makes "arrangements" with female clients in lieu of $ payments in return for teaching them horseback riding at his ranch. That's as close as this stinker comes to a plot line.

The nondescript cast converses in dumb small talk and attempted double entendres in between XXX sex. Given its age as early in the hardcore cycle there is an emphasis on tight split beaver closeups, all the rage back then. Attempt at humor has Maxwell fixing up Joy with a guy who can't get a hard-on - how amusing! Ending promises a followup -no thanks.

Jazzy music is played over & over, including "Willow Weep for Me" played twice. Most of the action takes place in a barn with sex by hay stacks. Very sloppy editing and construction has certain stagings repeated or starting over, signs of porno-as-filler which really became the standard a decade later with the advent of shooting on video.

What struck me about this baby is the allocation of perhaps 15 seconds of running time (out of an hour total) to a woman actually riding a horse. It seems the lion's share of pornographers has never figured out (in 40 years now) that the much-maligned viewer who ultimately is paying the bills for this junk is entertained by a diversion, an interesting story, or something, beyond the basic "in & out" footage. Here was an opportunity to integrate actual horse-whisperer footage, whether for hijinks/slapstick, whatever. But instead we get generic, and ultimately very boring porn, barely salvaged from the scrapheap.

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Love Farm

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