Daniele Pecci

Olivia Morris

Oliver Dench

Matt Baker

During the big casino night, as an act of masculine bravado threatens its future, Bella acts decisively to salvage her investment in the Hotel Portofino, but at what cost?

Adam Wimpenny

Farewells

So there&apos;s this nice blonde English lady, and she&apos;s short of money. So she somehow gets her family to move to Italy and they open a hotel. The idea is that the scenery is so beautiful and the ocean is so amazing that rich people will flock from all over the world to stay at the Hotel Portofino.

But the nice Mrs. Ainsworth has problems. Lots of problems! Her husband Cecil is a cad, a weakling, and a selfish beast. If Bella Ainsworth had any sense she&apos;d kill him. Cecil keeps pulling low-grade scams that always backfire. Every time he ends up groveling at the feet of the real players, and begging his saintly wife for one more chance.

Mrs. A also has a son, Lucien, (she calls him &quot;Looch,&quot; which is as stupid as it sounds.) He&apos;s gorgeous, and girls love him, but he&apos;s not too bright. He looks to be about sixteen, if that, but we keep hearing he was a hero in the Great War -- ten years ago! His best friend is a dark-skinned doctor from India who is hopelessly gay and secretly worships the ground he walks on.

All these nice people are being menaced by Italian fascists, and there&apos;s a dirty police inspector who&apos;s blackmailing Mrs. Ainsworth&apos;s husband about something. And there&apos;s a trashy American slut who&apos;s supposed to be some kind of singer, or dance, or something. And there are loads of shots of the beautiful ocean and the scenery and the food.

Are you captivated yet? Because I was kicking and screaming at this point, begging for it to stop. This show makes BOARDWALK EMPIRE look like great art. And it makes BREAKING BAD look like Shakespearean tragedy.

Hotel Portofino is just like the Hotel California that the Eagles sang about long, long ago. Mrs. A has lots of pretty, pretty boys, she calls Looch. And in the master&apos;s chambers, they gather for the feast. They stab it with their steely knives but they just can&apos;t kill the beast.

So there's this nice blonde English lady, and she's short of money. So she somehow gets her family to move to Italy and they open a hotel. The idea is that the scenery is so beautiful and the ocean is so amazing that rich people will flock from all over the world to stay at the Hotel Portofino.

But the nice Mrs. Ainsworth has problems. Lots of problems! Her husband Cecil is a cad, a weakling, and a selfish beast. If Bella Ainsworth had any sense she'd kill him. Cecil keeps pulling low-grade scams that always backfire. Every time he ends up groveling at the feet of the real players, and begging his saintly wife for one more chance.

Mrs. A also has a son, Lucien, (she calls him "Looch," which is as stupid as it sounds.) He's gorgeous, and girls love him, but he's not too bright. He looks to be about sixteen, if that, but we keep hearing he was a hero in the Great War -- ten years ago! His best friend is a dark-skinned doctor from India who is hopelessly gay and secretly worships the ground he walks on.

All these nice people are being menaced by Italian fascists, and there's a dirty police inspector who's blackmailing Mrs. Ainsworth's husband about something. And there's a trashy American slut who's supposed to be some kind of singer, or dance, or something. And there are loads of shots of the beautiful ocean and the scenery and the food.

Are you captivated yet? Because I was kicking and screaming at this point, begging for it to stop. This show makes BOARDWALK EMPIRE look like great art. And it makes BREAKING BAD look like Shakespearean tragedy.

Hotel Portofino is just like the Hotel California that the Eagles sang about long, long ago. Mrs. A has lots of pretty, pretty boys, she calls Looch. And in the master's chambers, they gather for the feast. They stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast.

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Farewells

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